The Drugs Don't Work

Friday, October 15, 2004

Further to a comment from the Ultimate Olympian’s biggest fan, I had a rummage around the Internet in search of the World Anti-Doping Agency’s list of banned substances [.pdf].

I hadn’t intended to sail all that close to the wind in terms of what I consume in the coming years, but, despite Beckham’s most fervent protests or apologies, intentions don’t count for much if you get caught doing it wrong. Like any good athlete should, I’ve had a quick read through the list just to make sure that eating my favourite flavour of crisps isn’t going to constitute a contravention of any rules.

It’s interesting that WADA feels the need to be explicit about the fact that diamorphine isn’t allowed – I can’t think of any sport in which heroin would be considered performance enhancing. It’s also quite funny to note that two Olympic sports (Archery and the shooting stages of the Modern Pentathlon) set a limit on the in-competition use of alcohol – does that mean it’s fine to turn up drunk as a lord for any of the other events? Suddenly, I’m feeling less worried about that 10m platform dive.


Anonymous said...

I’m not sure that it’s either permitted or advisable to swig from the hip flask prior to the 10m dive, but as far as I can see there’s nothing to stop you filling the pool with champagne before you take the plunge, so to speak. That is, other than the obvious budgetary limitations.

Pat F.

John said...

Not that I'm an incredibly sad statistician with too much time on my hands or anything, but:

The diving pool at the National Acquatic Centre in Dublin measures 25m by 16.5m and is 5m deep. Therefore, it holds 2,062,500 litres of fluid. Assuming a bog standard bottle of Moët & Chandon Brut Imperial costs £19.99, it would take fifty-eight million, eight hundred and ninety-nine thousand, one hunded and fifteen pounds and seventy-one pence to fill it.

If you wanted to do things right and use a decent Krug, it would cost you around £265m.

For that kind of money, I'd risk jumping into it empty!

Anonymous said...

Expensive indeed, but just imagine the party that would follow!!!


Anonymous said...

Do you think Luke Skywalker took performance-enhancing drugs?

Think about it...isn't it just possible that Kenobi was passing some serious weight in the nandrolone department?

He couldn't beat the deck in Star Wars, then he takes Vader to points in Empire, before stopping him in Jedi?

Rocky Balboa would have been proud of that comeback. But then we all know Creed was feeding him creatine before the Lang fight in 3. Can't blame him. Did you see how hard Lang punched? 'I pity the fool'!

Anonymous said...

On that note, was Lang Balboa's nemesis?

And can you line up a fight with him as part of this Olympics deal?

Ten people you might consider fighting:

1.) Clubber Lang, aka Mr T.
2.) Dirk Benedict
3.) Chris Eubank
4.) Robert de Niro
5.) Drago
6.) Audley Harrison (might be too easy)
7.) Daniel Day Lewis
8.) Jet Li
9.) Mad Murdoch from the A-Team (mind you, that boy could dig)
10.) Magnum PI (for trying to steal Monica from Chandler in series 8)